i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
