i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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