he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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