Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
