i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
