yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
