so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
