you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
