I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize