I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
this is an emotional support booty call
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
