She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
