Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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