and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize