I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
