She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
