his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
