gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
