I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize