We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
