**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
