I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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