ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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