it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
