so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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