I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
