I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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