New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Randomize
