words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
