Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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