Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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