I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
