his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
