I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
