If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Too much gin, very little bucket
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize