I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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