it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
