my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
