Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
