Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
