Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
