Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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