I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
