dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
