I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
