It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
