i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
