i don't like sucking hair
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
