So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
