I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
