What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
