hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need moral support for this bender
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
