i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
