i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
