never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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