If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize