i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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