Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
