so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
