He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
