just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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