I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
