Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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