i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
