My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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